Paranormal activity

Every now and again a horror film comes along with the dubious claim of being the most scariest film ever made. However, most of them turn out to be as frightening as an episode of Scooby Doo.

This then brings me to ‘Paranormal activity’. A new film by first time director Oli Perri, which is leaving horror fans moist with anticipation. At a cost of £9000, the films budget wouldn’t even cover Johnny Depps breakfast bill, yet in the states alone it has grossed in excess of $120 million making it ( from a cost to revenue ratio) the most successful film ever made. The entire film was shot in the directors own house and only has two main actors throughout. Fortunately I happen to catch a sneak preview a couple of weeks before its official UK release date.

The film centres around a young couple Katie and Micha, who experience strange goings on in their home. Micha is less inclined to believe in a paranormal explanation but is still intrigued enough purchase a video camera in order to capture whatever it is on screen.

The entire film plays through the camera lens a la Blair witch project, but fortunately for us the camera shake is kept to a minimum. The audience heart beat rate per minute certainly increases alarmingly when the camera is perched on a tripod in the couples bedroom, filming as they sleep. The resulting filmed activity is pretty creepy to say the least.

But the real question is whether the film is as scary as the word of mouth from the states would have us believe. Judging by the amount of screams and sharp intakes of breath heard from the members of the audience during the course of the film I would say that it certainly lives up to its reputation. Is it the most scariest film ever made? To be honest, I can’t really say yes or no, but it certainly is up there as one of the scariest films ever made.

Simon’s Cat

When Simon Tofield wanted to teach himself flash animation he decided to make a short film starring his own cat. The result is a hilarous piece of animation which has become a sensation on the internet. In total Simon has created six short films, with the first one shown above.

Watch with the volume turned on. I just love the cats meow!!


It is now a week since our return. Whereas India was Exciting, Colourful and extremely hot, here in the UK it is cold, wet and very very grey. Wish i was back over there.

I hate English winters!!

An Englishman in a Familiar land.

Over looking my fathers land.

Overlooking my fathers land.

This is my last full day in the Punjab. We travel back to Delhi in the morning and fly out out the following day. As I write I am sitting on the balcony of my fathers house overlooking acres and acres of land. The sun is beaming down and again, and as per every day we have been here there is not a cloud in the sky. The only sounds I can hear are that of a harvester harvesting a field to the right of me and the incessant chatter of the birds.

Below me a heard of cows have just gone past. In the opposite direction and elderly woman walks past, carrying a basket full of cow pats on her head. The methane gas makes them perfect for fuel.

 I have been here for most of the day and despite the absence of the internet and English language television channels I have thoroughly enjoyed my time and wouldn’t have it any other way.

The pace of life in the west is becoming more and more hectic as we work longer hours for less and less reward. Sometimes all one wants to do is stop the word and get off. That is exactly what I have done here. And it’s great.  

I have always wondered what made my parents leave this idyllic land and start a new life half way around the world, to endure rain, cold and of course prejudice. The answer is simple, Poverty.

B both my parents’ family were poor, although my mother’s side was a lot poorer than my father’s side. Moving to England was their way to escape the poverty and in turn send money over to alleviate the poverty for family members in India.

In my father’s case, England really was the land of opportunity as his hard work and dedication paid off.  His fortune grew and throughout the years he sent literally Hundreds of thousands of pounds to India. He built a new house. Bought land and was the cash cow of the community.

Unfortunately. my Mother’s side of the family didn’t see much of the money, hence the reasons why they are still very poor. All over the Punjab you see enormous homes, paid for by money from NRI’s (Non Resident Indians).  The money pumped in from England has certainly helped boost the economic prosperity of the region. But as in most states the level of poverty is still alarmingly high.

Has my opinion of India changed during the two weeks of my travels? The simple answer is yes.  I was immensely proud when it launched the first space rocket a few weeks ago. The first stage of a programme that will ultimately take India to the moon. It is costing Billions of Rupees.

Having seen the poverty first hand, India’s space ambitions should certainly be given a lower priority. It’s pointless sending a rocket to the moon when 500 million people are starving at home. The same applies to the 2012 commonwealth games to be held in Delhi. The Billions of Rupees spent should also be diverted in helping alleviate he slums and provide better housing. Instead a fortune will be spent on Bamboo walls to hide the Slums from view. 

India are clearly in Denial with regards to its poverty problem. They have an image which they want to portray to the rest of the world. The image of an Economic super power in waiting. The slums do not fit in to that view. Indeed from what I saw, I cannot see India as a super power. In the last hundred years all super powers have built their might upon a strong industrial base. At its heart, India is still very agricultural.

It is a country of extremes. The haves and the have nots. If you have money then India is a great place to live. If you don’t, then survival is the order of the day. And yet, it is they who smile the most. Would I go back to India? I certainly would. Would I like to live there? Maybe. Despite the differences compared to England, I found the Villages surprisingly familiar and felt at home straight away. Something I thought I would never do.

I came as an Englishman in a strange land. I leave it saying goodbye to a familiar place.

An Englishman in a strange land (11)

I had a relaxing day in the Hotel today. The women were busy shopping and so I decided to venture out of the hotel compound and go for a little stroll.

I made sure I had the taken all the precautions, shades on, baseball cap on, Mosquito spray on. I walked past the multitudes of people, some loitering, some shopping some just taking a rest while they pick their noses. Etc etc etc…

Street life in India is a totally Alien experience

Street life in India is a totally Alien experience

In the UK we expect our pavements to be safe and fit for purpose. Here, there were pot holes the size of the Grand Canyon.  Even worse, there was no safety guards covering the holes. Word of advice, never jay walk in India!!

Crossing the road was also a risk. You need to look both ways and if you avoid being hit by a car, motorcycle or rickshaw, then a passing killer cow may finish you off. In fairness though, the cows just graze quietly without a care in the world. They are given free rein in the towns and cities because the Hindus regard cows as sacred animals. With the absence of grass they merely munch on the plentiful supplies of litter.

I was filming at a crossroads when I noticed two young girls begging money from cars which were stopped at red lights. They were barely seven years old. Once they laid their eyes on my  I was  a lamb to the slaughter. Travelling at warp factor 10 they were suddenly six feet away. Their  outstretched hands  in full begging mode.  I pulled out my Wallet and gave each one a 100 rupee note. Big mistake. They danced and waved at me in appreciation and then the older of the two began gesturing towards her feet.  A 100 rupee note was now not good enough for her and she now wanted me to buy her a pair of shoes.

The children of the corn!!

The children of the corn!!

I gestured to her that she can afford 10 shoes with the money I gave her. Both children then vanished. I began to walk back to the hotel when the two girls reappeared, this time with an older boy of about 12. He was just as dirty and unkempt as the girls and his begging  also paid off as I put a 100 rupee note in his hand. By now both the  girls were asking me to buy them shoes, the boy was still begging despite my gift to him and all of a sudden, warping in from the Gamma  Quadrant  a second boy appeared. Same appearance as the other three. This time I didn’t oblige.

They were walking about 6 feet behind me, each begging in their own inimitable way. I would stop, they would stop. I would speed up, they would speed up. They were always six feet away nect to each  as if they were posing for a photograph.

At this point in time I was getting rather irritated. What is this I thought? The Village of the Damned?

Eventually I reached the hotel compound. The children clearly knew the limits of their begging and as quickly as they appeared they vanished.

I have mentioned the poverty a lot in my blogs but to be honest you cannot escape it. Everywhere I went, I saw poverty at a scale that will haunt me for a long time to come.

The next blog will be my last India update. See you then.

Untill the next time, over and out.

An Englishman in a strange land (10)

Days 6 and 7 were very busy indeed. As a result I have not had very much time to spend on my blog.

Day 6 and was spent visiting my wife’s family. One particular aunty remained in my thoughts. She was as elderly lady whose husband and only son had died in quick succession leaving only her daughter left. Her husband and son were the main bread winners and in their absence the only means of support is to sell the milk that is produced by two cows that they keep in the back garden.

Despite the hardship they were in remarkably good spirits, and surprisingly they gave us a gift which must have cost them several weeks’ wages. They knew we were coming and had been saving for weeks. They had clearly sacrificed a lot, which only made us feel guiltier when we accepted the gift. Refusal to accept is a sign of disrespect.

I gave her a gift of several thousand rupees before we left. At that stage I could have happily given her all the money that i had in my wallet.

Day 7 was the day of the big Party at my father’s house. Family and friends arrived from the surrounding areas and copious amounts of drinks were drunk and food was consumed.

As I write, I am still suffering from the ‘night before’.

Untill the next time, over and out.

An Englishman in a strange land (9)

Day 5 was a busy and thought provoking day.

Whereas my father’s family are landowners and clearly not short of a bob or two, my Mother’s family are very poor. She has three sisters and one surviving brother, each living in poverty. The itinerary for today was to visit each one and pay our respects. I, my brothers and sister agreed to give a monetary donation to each of my mother’s sisters of 2000 rupees each which equates to several months wages for them, yet to us it really wasn’t that much! Their daily income is about £1.20

 Each of the houses was small and sparsely populated. The walls were bare apart from a number of photographs. To my astonishment my photograph was up there being displayed, along with my family and brothers’ and sisters’ families too. They were clearly proud that their sisters children were educated and doing well.

They served us refreshments they could barely afford, but what surprised me was that despite their poverty, they were constantly laughing and joking. They may have been poor in monetary terms but in spirit they were as wealthy as Bill Gates.

Again this was a very humbling experience. In England you would consider yourself poor if you can’t afford the latest mod cons. Here it is when you do not know where your next meal is coming from.

Travelling from house to house has certainly opened my eyes to the real India. This is well away from the tourist areas and the hustle and bustle of street life is something that needs to be experienced firsthand. Again, as in Delhi the mass of people is just unbelievable. India is the second most populous country in the world and judging by the number of people walking the streets here in the Punjab I can well believe that!!

My father had booked us a car and driver to use all day, and we spent a lot of time travelling from one place to another. But it was absolutely impossible not to get bored. Looking out of the car window and seeing the sights and sounds of the various places we pass through is in itself a highly interesting and eye opening experience. There was just too many things happening. And most of them are sights you will never see anywhere else but India.

The following photographs and stills from my camcorder footage perfectly illustrates my point.

When the lights turn red prepare for mayhem.

When the lights turn red prepare for mayhem.

When husbands are sick of their wifes, they are sent to the market to be sold.

When husbands are sick of their wifes, they are sent to the market to be sold.

The following stills from my camcorder were taken during a 15 minute period.

An Englishman in a strange land (8)

Day 4. Temperature 36 degrees. As we drove from the train station to the family home, it soon became apparent that the traffic in the Punjab is just as manic and suicidal as it is in Delhi. And in some instances it is even worse.

We had booked in to the Raddison hotel situated in the centre of Jalandha, but before we made our way there, my father was eager to show me the family home. He had insisted we stay there rather than the hotel, but it was pretty obvious that if I succumbed to my fathers wishes then clearly I would never leave the house due to the amount of visitors we would receive.

At least in the hotel we can do our own things.

I had heard stories that the house was very big and decorated to a high standard. I had only seen poor quality VHS footage over the years, but when I finally saw it in person a sense of pride enveloped me. Pride because my father had worked hard and built it to what it is now. It reminded me of an Indian version of southfalk ranch from the television series ‘Dallas’.

The floors were laid with marble throughout, the ceilings and coving had intricate carvings and the solid mahagony stair case bannister was a hand crafted work of art. The courtyard was large enough to host a five aside football match. It had three levels.

Dads House

The rear of my fathers house taken on his land.

Two lovely servant girls were living there with their mother. Perhaps servants is the wrong word because these girls were treated like members of the family and thoroughly enjoyed what they were doing. They treated us with an enormous amount of respect and we recipricated by buying them bags of Chocolates and goodies. Actually my brother bought the chocolates.

Stepping outside the front door and all you could see was agricultural land as far as the eye could see. The sun was beaming down from a cloudless sky and for the first time in a while fresh air entered my lungs. The mass of humanity that had followed me throughout, had now been replaced by a few farm workers. The whole pace of life was a lot slower here. Camcorder in hand, i walked along a footpath taking me away from the house. The sights were truly beautiful.

I can quite happily live here. Sell everything in the UK and live like a king and that is no exaggeration. For the first time in my life, the Indian part of me which had remained dormant all my life began to stir..

Untill next time, over and out.

An Englishman in a strange land (7)

The last day in Delhi and we left the hotel early to reach the train station by 7am. Even at this early time the roads were bustling with traffic and a 30 minute journey took 45 minutes.

As the coach pulled up in the car park, assuming it could be called a car park,  we were met by a couple of coolies. These are poor people who carry passengers luggage for a (small) fee.  I was expecting someone in a uniform. What I saw was Steptoe and son. After a heated tactical debate amonst themselves on how to carry the 19 pieces of heavy luggage, they placed all 19 cases on what looked like a flat wheel barrow and secured them with rope. Those two will never be able to lift that I thought.

The older of the two men had clearly long past his retirement date and by the look of him I summised that he could barely pick his own nose, never mind lifting 19 heavy pieces of luggage. The second man was about 45 years of age and possessed a belly the size of Australia. Were gonna be late I said to myself. To make matters worse, I overheard the coolies being told that the coach had parked in the wrong terminal and we had to make a dash to the correct terminal. We are definitely going to be late I thought looking at my watch.

Within a second they had lifted the ‘wheel barrow’ with the 19 pieces of luggage and were running like bats out of hell to the correct terminal. I was wrong, they were not Steptoe and Son, but Batman and Robin. We all ran behind trying to keep up. Whatever they had for breakfast I wanted some!!! I consider myself fitter than most yet even I had trouble keeping up.

Again as is the case  in India, Health and Safety was non existent as they ran over railway tracks followed by us in hot pursuit. This must have been a funny sight for the locals.

Train station

Finally we reached the correct terminal and to my relief the train was waiting at the platform. We paid a hefty tip to Batman and his sidekick, big belly Robin, who judging by the expressions on their faces went back to their bat cave as happy chappies.

The Train Carriage we booked was Business class, but compared to England it would barely pass for standard class with the only difference being the wider seats and curtains on the windows. The carriage itself was a bit on the dirty side. But hey, this was India, what did I expect.

I sat down and the Train jerked in to motion.  I looked out of the window as the train began picking up speed. We were barely out of the station when more makeshift huts came in to view. I couldn’t believe that People had made their homes on the platforms and were living in squalid conditions.

As we left the station, the platform made way for tons  of litter just piled next to the tracks. Plastic cartons, crisp packets, rubbish of all sorts and children were sifting through the decaying rubbish hoping to find anything remotely usable. A few feet away  a couple of children having  an early morning emptying of the bowels oblivious to the train passing by.

I really had had enough of all this squalor and was finding it difficult to cope with a lot of things that I had seen.

Within  30 minutes, Delhi was behind us (Thankfully) and the sight of wheat fields as far as the eye could see meant that we were heading towards the state of Punjab, and in particular, the city of Jullandha. The Birthplace of my Family.

View from the train window

View from the train window

Four and a half hours later and the train came to a halt in the City of Jallandha. We unloaded and as I got off the train I noticed my father in the jostling crowd. My brothers, sister, wife, daughter and i pushed our way to greet him. I had last seen him six weeks ago. It was good to see him again.

I knew straight away that in the Punjab I would no longer be a tourist. I would meet my fathers family, meet my mothers family and have a greater understanding of my own origins.

Untill next time, over and out.

p.s. Baz and Dave, The temperature here has been between 33 and 35 degrees Celsius every day. Wish i was with you guys…..NOT!!!!

Take care dudes.

An Englishman in a strange land (6)

The second day in Delhi and we made an early start for the journey to the Taj Mahal. I had been warned that on the way we would pass through the old Delhi and to be prepared for the extent of the poverty I will see.

Within five minutes we were passing makeshift huts constructed from material that the slum dwellers had salvaged from the nearby rubbish tips. Dirty faced children played next to open sewers, mothers hurried around tending to their babies and several individuals busy using the pavement as a communal toilet, totally oblivious to the passing traffic.  They were clearly taking the piss!!  Even within the Air conditioned coach, the smell of sewage was overpowering.


A barber was waiting for customers. His dirty chair by his side and cracked mirror on the wall. A women walked past the coach with a large collection of branches perched on her head. I wonder if shes ever heard of royal Ascot i thought? An old man with severely deformed legs, crawling along the road, the cars beeping their horns as they try to avoid hitting him.

The image that will stay with me for a long time occurred when the coach stopped at a red lights. All of a sudden a bang on the coach window alerted me to a young girl of about eleven, dirty and malnourished, clutching several boxes of tissues. She walked along the side of the coach, trying to get the attention of the occupants by banging on the coach windows. ‘Don’t open the window’, I heard someone say, ‘Don’t give her anything, otherwise you’ll open the floodgates’ . The young girl banged on my window and I made a fateful mistake. I made eye contact with her.

Immediately she began banging on the glass again, trying to get my attention, pressing the tissue boxes against the window. ‘One hundred rupees’ she kept on saying. I felt an unbelievable amount of sadness for this child and a sense of guilt that I did not purchase her ware. The image of her trying desperately to persuade me to part with my cash is one that I will not forget in a hurry.

Another thing that struck me was the sheer volume of people. Some sitting, some walking, some standing. Even the Indian equivalent of motorway hard shoulders was packed with people wandering around, as if aimlessly.

The slums have grown in recent years with people from the surrounding areas coming to Delhi in the hope of a better life. A better life that very rarely materialises.

The overcrowding, unsanitary conditions and lack of education combine to create living conditions where disease and death is rife. The Delhi slums created images that will haunt me for a long time.


The slums perfectly illustrate the dichotomy of modern India. On the one hand there are the modern, super sleek shopping malls where a Luis Vitton handbag can cost £5000 and yet a half a mile away, there are six year old beggers who  have barely eaten in days.  Charles Dicken wrote  about the ‘Tale of two Nations’

After five hours of travelling, we finally made it to the City of Agra, and the Taj Mahal. The city is also cursed with its share of slums,which are just as bad as its Delhi counterparts. What surprised me was that they were literally a stones throw away from the entrance to the Taj Mahal. And even as we passed through the entrance, the smell of sewage at one point was overwhelming to the point where I was about to paint the pavement with a nice coating of Breakfast!

Having said that though, My first sight of the Taj Mahal literally left me speechless. It truly is a marvel of beauty and architecture working hand in hand.

It truly took my breath away!

It truly took my breath away!

Books have been devoted to the building so I will not dwell on it here.

Next time, out of the Slums of Delhi and on towards the fresh air of the agricultural heartland, the Punjab and my Family home!!

Untill Next time, over and out.